Passed over for a job. Disqualified for a bank loan. Turned down for a date. Rejection is a very common phenomenon that happens to the best of us on occasion. Yes, even the professionals like Sachin Tendulkar must have gone through his share of rejections. Even the best of best has been rejected some time or the other. This might make you a weirdly calibrated person, but we should not feel rejection at all. Rejection is a thing we choose to feel. When you feel rejected, you are usually projecting your insecurities onto the reasons given. When the fact is that rejection you feel is usually about your relationship with self. Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Sad, hurt, angry – all those feelings are valid no matter how many times your friends might say this shall also pass. When you try to ignore your feelings, it can make you turn to unhealthy distractions or coping mechanisms. You’ll be doing yourself more favors if you honor what you’re experiencing without judgment. What you shouldn’t do is try and get answers from those who have rejected you. Very seldom will you get the right answers? That will only make it worse and reflects that you have no boundaries. Once rejected, you want to get closure and seek reasons to help us understand, make peace or let go. It is a myth that you can get closure. Unnecessary communication and prolonging pain end with more questions than answers. It is best to look inwards and hold onto your beliefs. You don’t need external factors to get that closure. You should stay true to your worth and value and be positive in the face of any adversity. Because it was not meant to be or not the right place at the right time syndrome. It is all about internalizing the rejection in a rational, logical and realistic manner and come out a winner.

Sometimes people take rejection extremely personally. It doesn’t make you inadequate, but instead, it’s clearing the path for you to eventually meet someone much more aligned to you or a job that is attuned more to you. If you hold onto resentment, it will only prolong your pain. Forgiving doesn’t mean in any way condoning the hurt or rejection, but it means allowing yourself to let go and move forward.

But rejection isn’t the end of the world. In fact, there are ways to perceive the experience in a proper perspective and cope with it the next time your resume does not meet the expectations of others or a love interest leaves you without any explanation.

Introspect and decide where the problem lies

When you internalize rejection, you most often fall into a trap. Either you exonerate your shortcomings or exaggerate the weaknesses of the ones who reject you. It is not so simple or binary. There are multi-faceted reasons for such an incidence.  The inadequacies may lie on both sides or the expectations are different. It is best to introspect and figure out whether you wish to internalize or project your feelings and to keep this understanding at the forefront of your consciousness when coping with rejection. Recognize your instinct, but then take a step back to cross-examine the position as empirically as possible.

 Realize that your expectations may be different from what others expect from you

It is important to be cognizant of your limits, talents, passion, and goals. When you set about compromising on these values and project yourself as someone not true to yourself, you will face rejection. Your real self or boredom would penetrate in and make you a compromised choice. Accept your integral person and do not bow down or negotiate the trade-off between personal integrity and public acceptance. You may make additions to your resume to make it look attractive, but it is bound to come out. Rejection allows us to increase our flexibility and repackage while allowing us to cut our losses and move on.

Understand when to cut your losses 

Make sure to strive on and reach your goals. However, a time comes, when the goals are not feasible, and you have to comprehend and cut your losses. Revisit your goals for a fresh perspective and strategize a well-planned process to avoid more rejections.  It’s a wake-up call if you face five interviews that don’t get job offers. You may have to hire a career coach, or switch focus. Maybe, that is your destiny that can lead to success. Remember, that the Rich and Famous were not made overnight. There was tremendous heartbreak, humiliation, and rejections involved. How they handled rejection was the actual gold mine of lessons hidden under the layers of success.

Gold-mintthe experience 

Each rejection brings with it a mammoth of useful intel if you are willing to seek it. Stop wallowing in self-pity and all the destructive emotions like anger, frustration, desperation. It is time to straighten your tie or shirt or whatever you are wearing and bring the balance back in your life.  Maybe you’re pursuing ill-suited opportunities that result in your lack of enthusiasm in job interviews. Dig deep and apply the insight you garnering making your next target hit the bull’s eye.

Finally, no matter what the reason, not getting what we want can be a negative experience. But those negative feelings are made worse by false assumptions about rejection. If those false assumptions are corrected, then the majority of negative feelings can be avoided through positivity and self-belief. Hence, self over external factors can help you go a long way in your combat against rejection. Make it Ejection into positive space instead of Rejection into negative space.

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